Stop Asking “What’s Wrong With Me?” Ask This Instead.

How a single shift in the question you ask yourself can unlock identity, possibility, and the life you actually want.

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As a hypnotist, I need to get this part out of the way immediately: I don’t treat, diagnose, or prescribe. I say it in every session. It’s on my website. I’m pretty sure it’s tattooed somewhere—location still unverified.

But the reason isn’t legal. It’s philosophical.

The entire diagnostic model sits on top of one deceptively simple question:

“What’s wrong with me?”

And that question—more than any label, test, or chart—has the power to shape your life in ways most people never realize.

The Trap Hidden in the Wrong Question

When you ask “What’s wrong with me?” you’re not gathering information. You’re making a declaration.

You’re deciding:

• I am broken.

• I am the problem.

• Something inside me needs fixing.

• I am a malfunctioning system waiting for a mechanic.

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Once you walk into any office and present “symptoms,” you’re already living inside that frame. And when a label arrives—anxiety, depression, or a multi-word acronym—it often becomes less of an explanation and more of an identity cage.

Some people feel relief. Many feel sentenced.

Because the label becomes the story. And you begin living it out.

The Search for Someone or Something to Blame

My mom once called to tell me her friend tripped and broke her kneecap. She was convinced the devil did it.

Literal horned villain or metaphor aside, the instinct is the same: Find the cause. Name the culprit. Locate the “wrongness.”

And the labels become our modern demons:

• “My genes.”

• “My brain chemistry.”

• “My trauma history.”

• “My diagnosis.”

  
  

But what if this entire search is misdirected?

What if the problem isn’t you?

What if it’s the question?

The Transformative Power of a Better Question

What if, instead of asking what’s wrong with you, you asked:

“What do I want to happen in my life?”

Feel the energetic shift?

The first question turns you inward toward defect. The second turns you outward toward possibility.

One assumes you are a victim of your past. The other positions you as the architect of your future.

One locks your focus on the wall. The other turns you toward the open door.

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Your Brain Obeys the Questions You Give It

This isn’t motivational fluff. It’s cognitive science and neuroplasticity.

Your brain is a goal-seeking device—an extraordinarily successful one. When you feed it a problem (“What’s wrong with me?”), it will work tirelessly to:

• search memories

• highlight evidence

• filter your environment

…to prove that something is indeed wrong with you.

It always finds what it’s told to find.

But when you give it a desired state—“What do I want?”—your brain reorganizes itself toward that outcome. It begins building the neural pathways that support that vision. (For a readable intro to this, see research summaries from Harvard Medical School on neuroplasticity.)

You are literally rewiring identity.

Depression, A Window, and the Wendy’s Drive-Thru

During the pandemic, isolation hit me hard. Lost, lonely, disconnected—I felt a heavy, clinical depression settling in.

I reached out for support. I made one phone call.

And next thing I knew… I was in handcuffs.

Not figurative. Cold, metal, real—escorted into a mental hospital because someone checked the wrong box.

Inside, I stood at a thick window looking out at the world. A Wendy’s drive-thru line snaked down the street. People getting fries. Picking up Frostys. Living their lives.

The only thing separating us was that pane of glass.

And I thought:

What’s the actual difference between me on the inside, labeled and contained, and the person waiting in that Honda Civic—who might be just as lonely, just as scared, just as overwhelmed?

The only difference was the label. The question the system had answered on my behalf: What’s wrong with him?

But the question I needed was different:

“What do I want to happen right now?”

I wanted freedom. I wanted a Frosty. I wanted my life back.

That shift didn’t open the doors. But it unlocked my mind. It reframed my identity from “depressed person” to:

A person experiencing temporary depression who wants connection, joy, and freedom.

That difference changes everything.

What Hypnosis Actually Does (And Why the Question Matters)

People think hypnosis is mind control or chicken-clucking theater. But real hypnotic work is simply this:

Bypassing the analytical mind and giving the subconscious clear, positive instructions.

Your subconscious is your autopilot—it follows:

• imagery

• emotion

• metaphor

• direction

  
  

It does not process negation.

Say “I don’t want to be anxious” and it hears “anxious.” Like telling your GPS, “Don’t go to the swamp”—it still needs to map the swamp to avoid it.

But when you say, “I want to feel calm and confident when I speak,” the subconscious locks onto that target.

It begins lining up the internal resources you already have.

That’s the reason we focus on what you want, not what you fear.

A Better Way to Ask the Question

Replace:

❌ “Stop being so broke.” With: “I want to build financial stability and abundance.”

❌ “I need to quit smoking.” With: “I want to be a healthy, energized person who breathes easily.”

❌ “What’s wrong with my relationship?” With: “What kind of loving partnership do I want to create?”

The old question makes you small. The new question expands you.

One reinforces the story you didn’t choose. The other hands you the pen.

You Were Never Broken

You don’t need to be fixed. You need to be redirected.

When you stop fixating on the diagnosis and start focusing on your desired identity, you shift from passive victim to active creator.

My work—whether on stage or in the clinic—is simply helping you find the resources already living inside you.

You were never broken. You were just asking the wrong question.